My Story

As I mentioned before, writing my story has been a bit intimidating for me this time around.  I share my story with my softball athletes every year, and have shared my story with my small group, and with others as well, but for some reason writing my story in a way that the people of Haiti will see the Lord seems daunting.  How can I relate to them?  Here are people who literally have nothing, who have experienced some of the most difficult loss and trials any human can face.  Then there is me...Blessed beyond measure, living in the richest country in the world, surrounded by family and friends who love and support me, have no true worries in this world and I am supposed to touch someone with my story?  Seems hard for me to grasp, as I am prepared to be touched deeply by the stories we hear from those we will be serving in Haiti much more than anything I can share with them. 

Even after all of what I have been feeling in writing my story, I truly believe we each have a story worth telling and that God has his fingerprint on my life and his grace, forgiveness and handiwork can be seen in what Jesus has done in my life.  And so I share part of my story...

My Mom died from cancer when I was fifteen.  Watching my Mom die slowly, right before my eyes, has been the most difficult experience I have ever had even to this day.  When Mom died, the bottom fell out of my world as I knew it.  I was strong for my Dad and sister, family and friends and I learned to pour myself into my activities and athletics I was involved in to get away from the pain of the loss I had experienced.  This worked for awhile, but eventually (after about a year) putting on a face that everything was alright didn't work for me.  I had a void in my life that couldn't be filled with activities and keeping busy. 

I had grown up in the Catholic Church and believed in God, and found God was an easy target for my anger and hurt.  I was angry with God for taking my mom away from me.  I hadn't stepped in church since the funeral, but I was out of options in my mind for where to turn so I picked up my Bible off my nightstand and began to read the Gospels.  I didn't know what I was looking for, but found comfort in reading God's Word.  Fast forward a few months....I attended a basketball camp at Northwestern College summer after my junior year in high school and left there after a week of ball and hearing God's Word in a new, passionate way, that I wanted what those people had.  (This camp just happened to be one that I was invited to go to and opened athletic opportunities for the future at NWC.  I know God had his hand on getting me there.)  I realized at that time, for the first time in my life, that believing in God and knowing Jesus intimately as my personal savior and friend, were two different things. 

The void in my life was filled once I accepted Jesus into my life.  I confessed to him all of my pent up anger, my grief over the loss of my mom, all of my teenage mistakes and prayed he would take them all and make me a new creation.  It says in 2 Corinithians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:  The old has gone, the new is here!"  I clung to that verse.  I had an overwhelming sense of peace and new direction for my life. 

Looking back, that was over ten years ago, and I know with all my heart that losing my mom at such an early age helped mold me and shape me into the woman I am today.  I would not have attended Northwestern College where I gained much knowledge and a great education, I would not have met my husband Travis, nor would I have had the opportunity to play softball and now be the Head Softball Coach at Northwestern College, or have had the numerous opportunities to share empathy with those who have experienced a loss of some kind in a special way.  God has made me a strong, resilient individual, who has great compassion for people and a heart that enjoys comforting those who are hurting or going through difficult times in life.  I am thankful for God and for the joy that I have in knowing Jesus and how blessed I am that he has used the loss of Mom for good in my life.  "And we know that in all  things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28